


cherry wine

by Lilitu



Series: angels and demons [2]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Based on a Lana Del Rey Song, Brief mentions of body horror, Cigarettes, F/M, Gen, Implied/Referenced Mental Illness, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Inspired by a Lana Del Rey Song, Suicidal Thoughts, Symbolism, cherry coke, lana del rey - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2020-08-23
Packaged: 2021-03-07 03:08:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26060035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilitu/pseuds/Lilitu
Summary: “If the world was ending, would you come over?”He cracks open his can of cherry Coke.It's like a gunshot in the reverent silence.
Series: angels and demons [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1858216
Kudos: 6





	cherry wine

**Author's Note:**

> just a few snippets inspired by the short story motherfucker by aimee bender and the word chiaroscuro.

“If the world was ending, would you come over?”

He cracks open his can of cherry Coke.

It's like a gunshot in the reverent silence.

_______

I don't have a voice. I don't have a face, I have a mask shaped by publicists and the best makeup artists in the world and the perceptions of everyone who watches me on the movie screen. I don't leave footsteps in my wake, I hover above the ground like a goddess.

In my own thoughts, I am a wraith, slipping between lamp posts and clutching wrought iron railings with white knuckled hands. Like it’ll even hurt if I fall.

"Why?" he asks, bemused.

My chest aches with the desire to rip it open, expose all my stark white ribs surrounded by sinew and muscle, show how human I am. My hands tremble with the need to grab a razor, slit my wrists, check if I bleed red. If I jumped out a window or off the penthouse roof, would my bones break through my skin like so many shards of porcelain? Do I even have bones?

I am overcome, at all hours of the day, by the urgent need to look and see, if I am still human. The wrought iron railing I clutch in my dreams turns to liquid beneath my desperate grasp before finally melting away.

"Because you and I, we're on pedestals."

His hands clench, but he says nothing. He drains the Coke with one final, strained gulp, then sets it down on the table.

_______

I've never had the chance to play a monster role in the movies. Even the most realistic renderings, the CGI ones, they're just caricatures.

People are scared to see a real monster, someone who reflects all their insecurities in nuanced ways, shows them just what can happen if they give into what they want to do. It's easier to think of things in chiaroscuro.

Light and shadow. Sun and moon. Dawn and darkness.

That way, you can cheer guilt-free when the monster dies, killed by something it never saw coming.

_______

We implode. Reform. Coalesce.

The atoms of us burn and burn into cosmic ash, caustic tobacco blackness filling our lungs as rot dribbles from our lips like a factory belching smoke into the skyscraper-choked skyline.

We are drowning on land, suffocated by our own carbon dioxide desires.

_______

“To die together.”

We get up from the million-dollar couch, take drags on thirty-five cent cigarettes and drink instant coffee from bone china.

The coffee is gritty when I reach the bottom of my cup. I swirl it around, and the little particles unfurl into a coruscating halo.

The Coke can lies crushed beneath our feet, forgotten.

We live.

**Author's Note:**

> if it wasn't clear from the story, the protagonist is a movie star who has been put on a pedestal. her intrusive thoughts and irrational fear of being less than human plague her incessantly, even though she is extremely successful. 
> 
> her implied significant other, who is also a star, copes with being put on a pedestal by ignoring her whenever she mentions her fear. 
> 
> it's very lana del rey-esque, with a lot of symbolism about cherry coke, cigarettes, coffee, and other things.
> 
> i'm interested in hearing others' interpretations, though! leave a comment if you want.


End file.
